Why Don’t Play Therapists Just Ask Children How They Are Feeling?
Why Don’t Play Therapists Just Ask Children How They Are Feeling?
As parents, it’s natural to want to understand what our children are feeling. When they seem withdrawn, anxious, or upset, we may ask questions like, “How are you feeling?” or “What’s wrong?” in hopes of getting to the heart of the issue. So, when parents bring their child to play therapy, a common question is: Why don’t play therapists just ask children how they feel?
The answer lies in the unique way children process emotions and experiences. Young children often struggle to articulate their feelings with words. Their primary language is play, not verbal expression (Landreth, 2012). This is why child-centred play therapy provides a safe, nurturing environment where children can express their emotions in the way that feels most natural to them, through play.
Why Play Therapists Don’t Rely on Direct Questions
Children Communicate Through Play – Research in child-centred play therapy (Ray, 2011) emphasises that play is the natural language of children, and toys are their words. Rather than relying on direct questioning, play therapists observe and engage in a child’s play to understand their emotions and experiences.
Emotional Safety and Trust – Asking a child directly about their feelings can sometimes create pressure or even lead to them shutting down. Play therapy prioritises creating a safe space where children feel in control of their self-expression, helping them to open up in their own time (Cochran, Nordling, & Cochran, 2010).
Children May Not Have the Words – Neuroscientific research (Siegel, 2020) shows that young children’s brains are still developing the ability to link emotions with language. Expecting them to articulate complex feelings can be overwhelming and counterproductive.
Play Provides Insight – A child’s choice of toys, themes, and interactions in play therapy often provides deeper insights into their emotions and internal world than direct questioning ever could. Through play, they can process difficult experiences and gain emotional regulation skills.
Building Emotional Awareness Over Time – Instead of pushing for verbal responses, play therapy supports children in gradually developing emotional awareness and self-expression in a way that feels safe and natural for them.
What Play Therapists Do Instead
Rather than asking direct questions, play therapists:
Provide a warm, accepting, and non-judgemental space.
Reflect children’s emotions through play and interactions.
Use child-led approaches to allow self-expression at the child’s own pace.
Support the development of emotional language through modelling and gentle guidance.
Work collaboratively with parents to help them understand and support their child’s emotional needs at home.
At Inspiring Play: Child & Family Play Therapy Sunshine Coast, we understand that parents want to help their children navigate big emotions. Play therapy is a powerful, evidence-based approach that honours how children communicate and heal. If you’re wondering how play therapy can support your child, we’d love to connect with you. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and we’re here to support your family every step of the way.
References
Cochran, N. H., Nordling, W. J., & Cochran, J. L. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Developing Therapeutic Relationships with Children. Wiley.
Kennedy, R. B. (2022). Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Harper Wave.
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship. Routledge.
Ray, D. C. (2011). Advanced Play Therapy: Essential Conditions, Knowledge, and Skills for Child Practice.Routledge.
Siegel, D. J. (2020). The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired. Ballantine Books.