The 4 S’s of Secure Attachment
The 4 S’s of Secure Attachment and Child-Centred Play Therapy: Nurturing Connection Through Play
As parents, we all want our children to feel safe, loved, and confident in the world. Dr. Daniel Siegel’s 4 S’s of Secure Attachment: Seen, Soothed, Safe, and Secure offer a powerful framework for building deep, trusting relationships with our little ones. Did you know that these principles align beautifully with Child-Centred Play Therapy (CCPT)? Let’s explore how play therapy honours the 4 S’s and how this can support your child’s emotional wellbeing.
1. Seen:
“I see you. Your feelings and experiences matter.”
Children thrive when they feel truly noticed, not just in their achievements but in their struggles, emotions, and unique ways of expressing themselves. In Child-Centred Play Therapy, the therapist observes and responds to the child’s play with deep presence, reflecting their emotions and experiences without judgment. Just like a parent who acknowledges a child’s frustration with “I see that was really tough for you,” a play therapist mirrors a child’s inner world through their chosen play themes, reinforcing their sense of being truly seen (Landreth, 2012).
2. Soothed:
“I am here to help you through this.”
When emotions run high, children need our calm presence to help regulate their feelings. Play therapy provides a safe space where children can express their emotions freely while being met with warmth and acceptance. Just as a parent soothes a distressed child by saying, “I’ve got you, we’ll get through this together,” the therapist in CCPT offers a reassuring presence, allowing the child to explore big emotions at their own pace (Cochran, Nordling & Cochran, 2010). Over time, this co-regulation helps children develop the ability to soothe themselves.
3. Safe:
“You can trust me to protect and support you.”
Safety is more than just physical, it’s emotional, too. Children need consistent, predictable care to feel truly secure. In play therapy, the therapist creates a structured and reliable space where the child knows they can express anything without fear of punishment or shame. This reflects the role of a parent who sets kind, firm boundaries while remaining emotionally available, teaching their child: “You are safe with me.” Research shows that environments fostering emotional safety promote healthy brain development and resilience (Siegel & Bryson, 2020).
4. Secure:
“Because of our connection, you feel confident in yourself.”
When children experience being seen, soothed, and safe repeatedly, they develop security—an internalised sense of confidence in themselves and the world. Securely attached children trust that their needs will be met and, as a result, are more likely to explore, take healthy risks, and build strong relationships. Child-Centred Play Therapy fosters this security by allowing children to take the lead in their healing, reinforcing their sense of agency and self-worth (Ray, 2011).
How Parents Can Support Secure Attachment Through Play
Follow their lead. Let your child choose the activity and engage with curiosity.
Validate their emotions. Even when a feeling seems small, acknowledging it builds trust.
Be present. Put distractions aside and give your child your full attention during playtime.
Offer comfort, not fixes. Sometimes, just being there is enough.
Create predictable routines. Consistency helps children feel safe and secure.
At Inspiring Play: Child and Family Play Therapy Sunshine Coast, we use the power of play to strengthen attachment, build resilience, and support children in expressing their emotions safely. If you’re looking for ways to nurture your child’s emotional wellbeing, we’re here to help. You don’t have to do this alone, support is available. Reach out today to learn more about how play therapy can help your child thrive.
References:
Cochran, N. H., Nordling, W. J., & Cochran, J. L. (2010). Child-Centred Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Developing Therapeutic Relationships with Children. Wiley.
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship. Routledge.
Ray, D. C. (2011). Advanced Play Therapy: Essential Conditions, Knowledge, and Skills for Child Practice. Routledge.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired. Ballantine Books.