Emotion Coaching
As parents, we all want to raise emotionally resilient children, kids who can name their feelings, manage big emotions, and build strong relationships. But sometimes, in the moment, it’s hard to know how to respond to a child’s emotions. Do we comfort them? Offer a solution? Encourage them to move on?
Dr John Gottman, a leading researcher in emotional intelligence, identified four main parenting styles when it comes to handling children’s emotions: Dismissive, Disapproving, Permissive (Laissez-Faire), and Emotion Coaching. Each style shapes a child’s emotional development in different ways. In Child-Centred Play Therapy (CCPT), we see firsthand how a child’s emotional world is influenced by the way their feelings are responded to. Let’s explore these styles and how they connect to play therapy.
The Dismissive Parent: "You’re Fine. Just Move On."
Dismissive parents tend to brush off their child’s emotions, seeing them as unimportant or something to get over quickly. While this may be well-intentioned (perhaps to help a child feel better), it can teach children to suppress emotions rather than process them. In play therapy, we often see children struggling to express their feelings because they’ve learned that emotions aren’t safe or welcomed. Instead, we encourage parents to acknowledge feelings with phrases like, “I see that you’re really upset. I’m here with you.”
The Disapproving Parent: "Stop That. You’re Overreacting."
Similar to dismissive parenting, disapproving parents tend to see emotions, especially negative ones, as something to control or discipline. A child who frequently hears “stop crying” or “that’s not a big deal” may begin to feel ashamed of their emotions. In CCPT, we know that emotional expression is vital for healthy development. Instead of shutting emotions down, we help children process them safely through play, modelling that all feelings are valid.
The Permissive (Laissez-Faire) Parent: "Feel However You Want. No Limits Needed."
This style is warm and accepting but lacks boundaries. Permissive parents allow all emotions without offering guidance, leaving children unsure of how to manage their big feelings. In play therapy, we see children who struggle with self-regulation because they haven’t been given tools to navigate emotions constructively. Boundaries with warmth are key: “I see you’re really frustrated. It’s okay to feel that way, but I won’t let you hit.”
The Emotion Coach: "I See You. I’m Here. Let’s Figure This Out Together."
The Emotion Coaching parent balances empathy with guidance—helping a child label emotions, validate their experience, and find ways to cope. Research shows that children with Emotion Coaching parents develop stronger emotional intelligence, resilience, and social skills (Gottman et al., 1997). This approach is at the heart of Child-Centred Play Therapy, where we support children in exploring emotions freely within a safe, accepting relationship, while setting healthy boundaries.
The Benefits of Emotion Coaching
Emotion Coaching helps children develop lifelong skills in emotional intelligence, self-regulation, and resilience. When children feel seen and understood, they learn that emotions; even the big, messy ones, are manageable and safe to express. Research shows that children who experience Emotion Coaching have stronger problem-solving abilities, better social skills, and greater self-confidence (Gottman et al., 1997). They are more likely to form secure relationships, handle stress effectively, and navigate challenges with greater emotional flexibility. For parents, Emotion Coaching fosters a deeper connection with their child, reducing power struggles and creating a more cooperative, trusting relationship. Rather than seeing emotions as obstacles, families learn to work through them together, building a foundation for lifelong emotional well-being.
How Can Parents Apply Emotion Coaching at Home?
Here are five simple ways to start:
Pause Before Reacting – Take a breath and check in with yourself before responding to your child’s emotions.
Name the Feeling – Help your child put words to what they’re experiencing: “You’re feeling really disappointed because we have to leave the park. I get that.”
Validate, Then Guide – Let them know their emotions make sense before setting a limit: “It’s okay to feel angry, but I won’t let you throw toys.”
Model Healthy Regulation – Show them how to handle big feelings by using calm voices, deep breaths, and problem-solving together.
Make Space for Play – Play is a child’s language. When words are hard, creative play helps them process big emotions safely.
At Inspiring Play: Child and Family Play Therapy Sunshine Coast, we help parents build strong, connected relationships with their children through play and emotional connection. If you’d like support in navigating your child’s emotions, reach out, we’re here to help.
References
Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-Emotion: How Families Communicate Emotionally. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship. Routledge.
Ray, D. C. (2011). Advanced Play Therapy: Essential Conditions, Knowledge, and Skills for Child Practice. Routledge.
Nordling, W., & Guerney, L. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy: A Practical Guide to Developing Therapeutic Relationships with Children. Wiley.
You said:
I’d like to draft a blog post about: I’d like the blog to be about John Gottman’s 4 different parenting styles to Emotion Coaching for example dismissive, lesei fare/ permissive, etc. and how this model can support parents in their roles. And also the benefits to children. I’d like the post to be in a professional, conversational, compassionate, empathetic and warm tone speaking to parents of young children. please write in the voice of Dr Becky Kennedy and the tone of Vanessa Van Edwards. I’d like to use Australian English spelling. Please cite references based on current research and best practice Please mention my business Inspiring Play: Child and Family Play Therapy Sunshine Coast once in the blog. Please urge parents to reach out for support and help. Blog Prompt: I’d like some help to draft a blog post for my Play Therapy Business named Inspiring Play. Please see the following to assist in drafting the blog; Audience: Parents of young children and Educators of young children. Purpose: The purpose of the blog post is to educate parents of young children and people working with young children. Style and Tone: I’d like the blog to be written in a warm, empathetic, caring, encouraging and supportive tone. Length: I’d like the blog post to be about 4 to 6 paragraphs long with an average of 5 key points/takeaway tips for families. Frequency: I plan to post content once weekly. Platform: I am using Squarespace on my website. Existing Content: My existing content relates to play therapy, early childhood development and parenting. SEO: SEO Keywords include: Inspiring Play: Child & Family Play Therapy, Sunshine Coast. Paediatric Allied Health Therapy. Cite References: Please cite references and draw upon current best practice Language: Please write in Australian English Spelling
ChatGPT said:
Emotion Coaching: A Roadmap for Parenting with Connection
As parents, we all want our children to grow into confident, emotionally secure individuals. But when faced with meltdowns, defiance, or overwhelming emotions, it can be hard to know how to respond in a way that fosters resilience rather than frustration. Dr John Gottman’s Emotion Coaching model provides a powerful framework for parents, offering guidance on how to support children’s emotional development while strengthening connection.
Gottman identified four main parenting styles when it comes to handling children’s emotions: Dismissive, Disapproving, Permissive (Laissez-Faire), and Emotion Coaching (Gottman et al., 1997). While the first three styles can create challenges for children’s emotional regulation, Emotion Coaching gives children the tools to navigate big feelings with confidence. Let’s explore these styles and how adopting an Emotion Coaching approach can support both parents and children.
1. The Dismissive Parent: "You’re fine—let’s move on."
This approach minimises or ignores a child’s emotions, often with good intentions—to help them feel better quickly. However, children who experience frequent emotional dismissal may struggle to understand or express their feelings, leading to emotional suppression or increased frustration. Instead of brushing emotions aside, parents can practice validation: “I see that you’re feeling sad. That makes sense, and I’m here with you.”
2. The Disapproving Parent: "Stop that. Toughen up."
Disapproving parents may see emotional expression as misbehaviour, believing that children should quickly learn to regulate themselves. While structure and discipline are important, shutting down emotions can make children feel ashamed or unsafe expressing their feelings. Research shows that children who are frequently criticised for emotional reactions may develop higher levels of anxiety and struggle with emotional regulation (Siegel & Bryson, 2020). Instead, parents can shift to guiding emotions: “I can see you’re really upset. Let’s find a way to work through this together.”
3. The Permissive (Laissez-Faire) Parent: "It’s okay—do whatever you need."
This parenting style is accepting and warm but lacks boundaries or guidance. While emotional validation is crucial, children also need support in learning how to manage and express their emotions in socially appropriate ways. Without this, they may struggle with impulse control and frustration tolerance. A balanced approach might sound like: “I see that you’re angry. It’s okay to feel that way, but I won’t let you hit.”
4. The Emotion Coaching Parent: "I see you. I’m here. Let’s figure this out together."
Emotion Coaching parents validate emotions while offering guidance, helping children understand their feelings, build self-regulation skills, and develop problem-solving abilities. Studies show that children raised with Emotion Coaching have higher emotional intelligence, better social skills, and improved resilience (Gottman et al., 1997). This approach is at the heart of Child-Centred Play Therapy, where we create a safe space for children to explore and process emotions through play.
How Emotion Coaching Supports Parents and Children
Emotion Coaching isn’t just about responding to emotions—it’s about fostering a relationship where children feel seen, understood, and supported. Here’s how this approach benefits both parents and children:
Stronger parent-child connection – Children feel safe and supported, strengthening the bond between parent and child.
Better emotional regulation – Kids learn to name their feelings, reducing emotional outbursts over time.
Increased problem-solving skills – Children develop confidence in handling challenges.
Less stress for parents – When parents understand emotions, they feel more equipped to manage difficult moments.
Lifelong emotional intelligence – Emotion Coaching lays the foundation for healthy relationships and self-awareness in adulthood.
5 Ways to Start Emotion Coaching at Home
Pause before responding – Take a deep breath and check in with your own emotions before reacting.
Validate their feelings – Show understanding with phrases like, “That was really frustrating for you.”
Label emotions together – Help children put words to their feelings: “It sounds like you’re feeling disappointed.”
Set loving boundaries – Allow emotions while guiding behaviour: “It’s okay to be upset, but I won’t let you throw things.”
Model emotional regulation – Show your child how to handle emotions by staying calm and offering solutions.
At Inspiring Play: Child and Family Play Therapy Sunshine Coast, we help parents and children build strong, connected relationships through play and emotional support. If you’d like guidance in Emotion Coaching or support with your child’s emotional development, reach out—we’re here to help.
References
Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-Emotion: How Families Communicate Emotionally. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Bantam.
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship. Routledge.
Ray, D. C. (2011). Advanced Play Therapy: Essential Conditions, Knowledge, and Skills for Child Practice. Routledge.